maid of honor wears in red color that won't cost much

This is hard to write about what happened to me but I'm going to try. So bear with me please. I was molested at the age of 4 to 9 by my babysitter he would buy us anything we wanted, then asked my mom if she wouldn't mind helping him clean apartments with him she said yes after he would say can Ginny spend. Alan too of course my older brother came but he would molest him then com to me. Stay with me longer I see what he did to me still to this day and I freak my own mom didn't believe me but I kept going. I tried to act normal in high school but something kept mugging me. My senior year. I blurted it out to a friends brother. His brother and mom helped to find help I am still in contact with them today :) my harpist is the brother I told he is now a tharipst . I trust him so I have been going to see him on and off for 7 yrs now. I have. Trouble. Trusting ppl, letting ppl in my bubble. Then in Jan of 97 I took my sister to Washington. She lost so much weight I was proud of her she met a guy and she took him back to our hotel room and I couldn't get in they locked the top. So his friend said he had an extra bed at ft Lewis. I said ok well the bed wasn't made his roommate didn't wash the sheets he said i could sleep with him and I could trust him . the morning came and he woke me up and said u owe me Bitch and raped me Fran hour then told me to get dressed he was going to take me back to the hotel I just stared out the window when we got ban k to the hotel he pulled me and said ppl will believe me more and then he tried to kiss me. I just pushed him away and I kept saying no through the whole rape but then he just covered my mouth and held my hands and kept doing his business. I knew where to go to get help with the blue phones but I couldn't remember what Barack it was so I didn't reported it. I just took a cold shower and cried and still blame myself for that day. But what I have to remember I am on 4ft 5 in and 95lbs. He was alot bigger then me. I have nightmares of that day over and over. Every jan. Now as a mother of 3 girls I worry about them my oldest is gay, just graduated. I'm so proud of her. I have 2 others waiting in the wings. That I feel I need to pertct. Hubby doesn't understand I feel safe here. I have met a few ppl I talk to when I need to. I hope they know I am here for them to. Sorry for going on and on. My mom never believed me but I wvwn told her about the rape but she just looked at me like I was lying to her again. Now she is gone and she died on August 9th and they buried her on the 13 of 2012. My birthday is August 18. I can't even celibate my birthday any more. I miss my mom u all .I love her. But I don't like how she didn't believe me though I was the problem child with all the health issues. Thank u Lyle for this page. Love u brother me, prayers r with u. maid of honor wears in red color that won't cost much